We think we are doing the right thing. Polite. Considerate. Helpful.
And yet… someone we care about feels uncomfortable. Confused.
They say, “I’m only telling you so you know how I feel.”
You nod. You listen. You resist the urge to fix.
Each of us is different. Each of us needs different things. We assume our actions are helpful—but sometimes they are not.
Dr. Phil Stutz would say: Notice. Name the discomfort. Own what is yours. Let the rest go.
I would add: Ask first. Listen carefully before assuming. Pause. Then act—or do not act. Pause. Let go.
Being loving is not the same as being perfect.
Feeling loved is not the same as being approved.
Can we exist close without hurting or being hurt?
Or is distance the only answer?
Kiki's Memos 